Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is one of the most stigmatized and even demonized conditions in clinical practice, often unjustly so. There is great and important variability between individuals, and each person is a world of their own. Many of those dealing with BPD are sensitive, creative, and brilliant individuals. Many are good, loving people who are deserving of love. Any source of information that describes this large and diverse group as severely mentally ill, toxic, or beyond hope is expressing an outdated view that no longer holds true. Some individuals diagnosed with BPD can be harmful, just as there are people like that without BPD. Most of them, however, tend to experience feelings of deep self-loathing and depression and are eager to learn more adaptive coping mechanisms.
The disorder manifests itself in three main areas: the first is difficulty with emotional regulation, the second is difficulties in relationships, and the third is fluctuations in self-identity and self-worth. Behind the scientific description is a person with very high sensitivity. Emotions appear with great intensity. As a result, sadness may turn into emotional pain and despair, happiness may be expressed as a loss of control, anger may quickly escalate into rage, and fear may become paralyzing terror. Sometimes emotions swing rapidly between positive and negative, and at other times, a strong, overwhelming emotion can last for an extended period, exhausting the individual. It’s important to emphasize that emotional instability is not a character trait; it is a skill. It can be developed in anyone, at any age. Emotional instability is a significant source of suffering in BPD, and when we address emotional stability, we create a new quality of life with improvements in every area.
Highly sensitive people experience emotional highs and lows that those around them may not understand, making them feel lonely and, at times, broken. Additionally, what is commonly referred to as “thin-skinned” is a difficulty in dealing with others. There is trouble filtering the environment or responding in moderation. Thus, people close to someone with untreated BPD can unintentionally hurt them with an innocent comment or a routine action, without understanding why the person is lashing out, cutting off contact, or sinking into depression.
High emotional intensity can lead to destruction. People living with these emotions exhaust and alienate those around them, even when they deeply love them. In moments of emotional outbursts, people may quit their jobs or studies, hurt those close to them, or engage in physical violence, often toward their own bodies. These outbursts lead to feelings of shame, regret, and deep damage to self-esteem.
Various life events trigger stress and anxiety. Some of these events can cause trauma for anyone, which is ongoing pain. New beginnings, transitions, losses, childbirth, and more require practical and emotional coping. When someone with BPD reacts emotionally with greater intensity and for longer durations, situations that require psychological coping can become unbearable. These emotional storms hurt the person most of all, leading them to profoundly disruptive and emotionally draining experiences. We all have feelings about ourselves. When someone feels deep despair, rage, or burning self-hatred, they are capable of doing terrible things to themselves and the people they love. When people experience pain, destruction, shame, and self-hatred, they seek immediate relief without considering long-term consequences. This is why BPD significantly increases the risk of excessive drug use, alcohol, work addiction, or dependency on a partner. Untreated BPD can lead someone on a path to relieve pain at any cost, and unfortunately, too many untreated individuals harm themselves physically and emotionally. About ten percent of those diagnosed take their own lives.
A problem in one ability—emotional regulation—is the source of many of the difficulties faced by people with BPD and their surroundings. There are scientifically proven treatments that focus on better understanding and managing difficult emotions. Emotional regulation is not a trait, symptom, or temperament; it is a skill. Recent science clearly shows that emotional regulation is an ability that can be practiced and developed with appropriate treatment.
High emotional intensities simply lead to destruction. Those living with these intensities withdraw and push away even when they love deeply. In moments of emotional overwhelm, they leave jobs or studies, hurt loved ones, engage in physical violence, often towards themselves. These outbursts lead to shame, guilt, and deep damage to self-worth.
Life’s various pressures can be stressful for anyone and can potentially cause trauma, which is prolonged pain. Situations like new beginnings, transitions, loss, childbirth, and more require practical and emotional coping. When someone with BPD reacts emotionally stronger and for longer periods, painful situations can become unbearable. It’s very hard for the environment to understand why someone collapses from moving house or why someone starts behaving obsessively when a child is born. It can happen to anyone; crises are always difficult. They are especially challenging for those who struggle to control their emotions.
These emotional storms hurt the individual most. They lead to personal upheavals and emotional drain. We all have various emotions towards ourselves. Someone who feels deep despair, anger, or hatred towards themselves is capable of doing harmful things to themselves and those they love. When people experience pain, destruction, shame, and self-hatred, they seek immediate relief without considering long-term consequences. Therefore, BPD significantly increases the risk of heightened substance use, alcoholism, work addiction, or relationship addiction. Untreated BPD can take a person on a journey of pain relief at any cost, and unfortunately, the percentage of untreated individuals who harm, damage, and even kill themselves is very high.
When we step out of scientific definitions, what we see is how a problem with one ability, emotional regulation, is the source of so many of the difficulties individuals with BPD and their environments face. There are various scientifically proven treatments focusing on better understanding and managing difficult emotions in BPD among them, with more perspectives to explore. Emotional regulation is not a trait, not a symptom, and not a disposition. Emotional regulation is a skill. If your emotions are overwhelming and destructive at times, there’s treatment for it, and there’s a solution.
It’s important to note that BPD is a disorder that has effective treatments, with therapies that are scientifically proven to work. Dramatic changes are happening in the treatment, and recovery rates are excellent. This means that there is hope for everyone, including those who care about the person; Significant relief from suffering is observed with appropriate treatments.
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