How Does It Feel to Be a Teen with a Sibling Who Has Special Needs?
Being a child is already complex, but having a sibling with special needs adds another layer of challenges. These children often grow up to be adults with heightened empathy, patience, and emotional maturity. They frequently display remarkable responsibility throughout their lives toward their special siblings. Many children with special needs rely on their siblings for guidance, learning, and companionship, admiring and loving them wholeheartedly.
However, having a sibling with special needs can also feel frustrating—perhaps even more than having a typical sibling. A child with special needs might break things more often, cling excessively, make loud noises, or behave unpredictably. Families may face limitations, such as where they can go, how often they can leave the house, or how attention is distributed among the children. Siblings may feel embarrassed or hesitant to invite friends over due to their brother’s or sisters’ behaviour. In families, all emotions are valid, and it is essential to make space for feelings of anger, frustration, unfairness, and discomfort.
When parents acknowledge these emotions and help their children process them, the emotions become more manageable. Conversely, emotions that are ignored or forbidden can become toxic, potentially leading to intense conflicts or resurfacing later in life.
A child may experience a confusing mix of emotions toward their special-needs sibling. On one hand, they may feel protective, eager to shield them from harm and provide companionship. They may enjoy their sibling’s admiration and the sense of being trusted and impressive. On the other hand, they may feel pity, anger, or sadness over their sibling’s struggles and limitations, sometimes accompanied by aggression. These conflicting feelings can lead to shame and guilt.
Children who perceive that they receive less attention than their siblings may feel less loved or important. If they sense that their parents spend most of their time focused on their special-needs sibling, they may internalize a belief that they should not ask for support or be a burden. As a result, they might adopt an overly mature demeanour, feeling pressured to be responsible and not add to their parents’ stress. Some children may feel they must live up to high expectations, fearing they cannot afford to fail. Others may withdraw, suppressing their needs and emotions to avoid guilt about seeking attention when another sibling seems to need it more. Over time, this emotional burden can lead to anxiety and even depression.
Growing up with a sibling who has special needs is undeniably challenging. However, in the long run, these siblings often grow into compassionate, patient, and empathetic individuals. Parents are encouraged to maintain open communication and set aside dedicated one-on-one time with each child—especially those who have a sibling with special needs. Every child in the family is special. Every child deserves to feel loved and valued for who they are.